Shortly after Thanksgiving it occurred to Holly that she should be decorating her house for Christmas. Usually she really likes decorating for Christmas, but this year she was lacking her normal holiday perkiness and suffering from post-Turkey malaise.
She couldn’t even bear to think of the tree assemblage task ahead of her. Her beautiful faux-tree of 15 years has the downside of obscenely tedious assembly.
Each limb is individually added.
Each limb is individually arranged.
Each limb is individually responsible for Holly’s holiday fatigue.
Then Holly remembered that she had another option.
A smaller tree.
A hinged-limb tree.
A pre-lit tree.
Hallelujah!
Holly will try to pass off the smaller, hinged-limb, pre-lit tree with the inferior exterior in place of her usual tree for the sake of saving her sanity and 5 hours and 40 minutes of tree assembly.
Holly mustered up the last few ounces of strength she had left to coax the box of the smaller, hinged-limb, pre-lit tree with the inferior exterior down the stairs. She considered how she wouldn’t have minded being crushed under it’s weight saving her 20 minutes of tree assembly.
Bah-humbug Holly!
Holly’s spirits were lifted when she opened the box and remembered how easily the tree could be put together.
Deck the Halls, Holly!
Holly even started hearing holiday bells in her head. Not the annoying kind, the kind from Carol of the Bells or maybe they were sleigh bells. Holly doesn’t really remember the actual sounds, she just knows they were tinkling holiday thoughts.
She may have even started humming a holiday tune.
Things were going so well that Holly started Rocking Around the Christmas Tree…
Let’s plug in the lights!
Pre-lit might have been a bit of an exaggeration.
20% lit might have been a little closer to reality.
No problem…Holly will check the bulbs and change the strand fuses!
Holly attended to the lighting issue with increasing holiday irritation.
Holiday irritation turned into a holiday trip to Target to pick up some additional multi-colored light strands to obscure the pre-lit, multi-colored darkness.
Come on boys! Let’s go to Target!
After some Target cart weaving and dodging of hundreds of Christmas shoppers, Holly found what she was looking for…a HUGE holiday display of multi-colored lights.
It was like Target had read her mind.
She loaded 6 boxes into her cart.
After some Target cart weaving and dodging of hundreds of Christmas shoppers, she checked out with her six boxes of holiday cheer.
Come on boys! Let’s load up the minivan and head home!
As soon as Holly got home she tore open the first box of multi-colored light strands to obscure the pre-lit multi-colored darkness only to find that the lights were embedded on cording that was…
WHITE!
White?
Who needs WHITE corded multi-colored lights?
Holly thought briefly about trying to pass the white corded multi-colored lights off on the smaller, hinged-limb, pre-lit tree with the inferior exterior until she actually considered what that might look like…
Come on boys! Let’s go to Target!
After some Target cart weaving and dodging of hundreds of Christmas shoppers, Holly found what she was looking for…the return counter.
She got in line.
Finally a 17 year old Target employee was available to help her return the white stranded multi-colored lights originally purchased to obscure the pre-lit, multi-colored darkness.
Holly couldn’t contain her Scroogishness and gave the 17 year old Target employee a lecture about product placement, product pushing and proper display technique. Target’s 17 year old employee nodded and turned to help the next disgruntled Target shopper.
After some Target cart weaving and dodging of hundreds of Christmas shoppers, Holly found her way back to the HUGE holiday display of WHITE stranded multi-colored lights. She searched high and she searched low for the green stranded variety. Finally in a corner, under some other lights she located what she needed.
Holly was not jolly.
She loaded 6 boxes of the revised multi-colored lights into her cart.
After some Target cart weaving and dodging of hundreds of Christmas shoppers, she checked out with her six boxes of revised holiday cheer.
Come on boys! Let’s load up the minivan and head home!
Almost exactly 6 hours after Holly started the tree trimming project, she stood back to admire her work on the smaller, hinged-limb, pre-lit tree with the inferior exterior and revised multi-colored lights…
Despite Holly’s holiday spirit being completely crushed, the smaller, hinged-limb, pre-lit tree with the inferior exterior and revised multi-colored lights didn’t look too bad.
The tree was now ready to be trimmed with a lot of breakable ornaments that likely will not survive another holiday season in Holly’s house of three boys, but let’s not focus on that right now…
Come on boys! Let’s trim the tree!
And so the tree was decorated with care in hopes that Saint Nicholas would soon be there.
BUT before he could get there, Holly walked into her living room a few days later to this…
Pa rumpa pum pum.
Holly, your best EVER! I love the “Thoughts Disclaimer!” This put me in such a good mood!
Off to tweet and Facebook it!!!!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS, indeed!
Sooo…next year the other tree, then? 😉
😀 I live for Holly’s animated life!!! Merry Christmas!
Oh, no! Well, perhaps you can find a new, easier to assemble, not pre-lit tree on clearance at Target after Christmas. 😉
TOO funny! Hate to laugh at your misfortune, but when you animate and narrate in such a way, who can help it!?!?
TOO funny! Hate to laugh at your misfortune, but when you animate and narrate in such a way, who can help it!?!?
A blessed and merry Christmas to you and yours!
Personally, I think only those with a penis should ever deal with lights. But that’s just me.
I love these blog posts!
I hope you, the boys, and Blog-Stedman have a blessed Christmas and a wonderful new year!
When we noticed our pre-lit tree doing similar things, I had post-turkey malaise too and didn’t want to deal with it. I noticed some lovely live trees outside my grocery store. They were gorgeous and came with their own stands. We’ve never had one before, so I made a hasty decision and bought one. In an even more out-of-character move for me, I also grabbed a few boxes of overpriced lights by the checkout stand instead of visiting our Target. Since then, I’ve fretted that I should have tried harder to fix our original one. I’m feeling a little bit better about my impromptu decision now. (And live trees smell good! Who knew?)
You’re my hero for going BACK to Target. OY! I hope you all have a Merry Christmas, crazy-lighted tree or not! : )
I love Holly’s animated life 😉 You’re such a hoot, chica.
Merry, Merry Christmas, DamnTexasHolly.
Love,
Rachel
That made me laugh out loud… O, the surprise ending!!
all i can say is it’s over. thank. god.
Merry Christmas! And Happy New year!
Animated Holly is the best!
We have similar lighting issues with the exterior of our house. Every year we adorn the roof edges of our home with white lights. Both the husband and I are quite particular about the lights being white and not blinking (Type A personalities should always marry…it makes life easier:) ). After ripping down several strands that were either blinking, half-blinking, or half-dead, we finally got the exterior looking merry and bright.
Over the past two and 1/2 weeks about two different strands have slowly begin to die out. We no longer care and are starting to embrace the unique lighting “situation” of our home. However, the children feel the need to comment on it everytime we pull into the driveway.
I hope the tree didn’t give out in time for Christmas though. The pictures speak louder than words. Merry Christmas. =)
i love you.
the end.
I read this with my kids, and we laughed the whole time. Thanks for the giggles.
Mindy
AWESOME! GENIUS! I have truly never seen anything like this on a blog. AWESOME! GENIUS! Sorry. Can’t think of good words to describe my feelings right now. Rushing to get ready for work. AWESOME!!!!
Merry Christmas, Holly! Tree down yet?
(this was still screamingly funny in March, by the way)